“I keep saying I gotta start working out. But I just don’t have the time, which is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And watch TV. And get a bone density test. And try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.”
— Ellen DeGeneres
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“Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.”Bill Murray
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“When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.”Jimmy Carr
“Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.”Carey Marx
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“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”Matt Kirshen
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